how to pick up CHICKS!!

eggeworth:

  • cup your hands around them protectively
  • lift them from the ground
  • gently kiss their fuzzy heads
  • say “peep peep” calmingly so as not to be pecked
  • peep peep

(via lacigreen)


Something I really hate

I find pretty much any woman or female person attractive. Big girls, thin girls, girls with dicks, girls with vaginas, smooth girls, hairy girls, plain girls, stylish girls, black, white, blue, green, it doesn’t really matter to me. Pretty much as long as she’s not unhealthy looking (like meth adidict skinny or jabba the hut levels of fat) I will find a woman sexy.
However with males, its an entirely different story. I often feel a little bit guilty for how harshly I judge men exclucively on their looks. Short of the few extremely well toned supermodel-esque sex gods I see, I find guys pretty unatractive. I’m pretty certain its rooted in how misandristic I am. Since guys would more often than not treat me like shit or just generally make me uncomfortable with their very loud oppinions on anyone who was even slightly different than them and their disgusting conversations about what they wanted to do to whatever girl they happened to be dating at the time, girls slowly became the only people I enjoyed being around in middle school. At the time I was a straight guy so I still would hang out with dudes just because I felt obligated, but I never really could become very attached. Men just make me uneasy in general.
What does any of this have to do with anything? Well, this aversion to men very negetively effects my body image. I feel like ugly shit on a daily basis because I base my own looks on the same impossible standards that I judge other males on and I end up missing the mark by miles.
Basically this whole post is me complaining that I am fucking disgusting and then trying to blaim men for it because I’m just a wonderful human being.


deepthroatmom:

holycheesenrice:

andrejpejicjimmyvegafanfic:

*pounds on ur windshield as u hide inside ur car with doors locked*

seriously? are you kidding me? 
That is a CHILD. Have some fucking decency.

*pops your tires w/ my strong front teeth and goes for the kill*

deepthroatmom:

holycheesenrice:

andrejpejicjimmyvegafanfic:

*pounds on ur windshield as u hide inside ur car with doors locked*

seriously? are you kidding me? 

That is a CHILD. Have some fucking decency.

*pops your tires w/ my strong front teeth and goes for the kill*

(via paraxix)


girlsofmygirlfund:

lilholly playing hooky from school

This blog is trying to kill me again

girlsofmygirlfund:

lilholly playing hooky from school

This blog is trying to kill me again


loverealgirls:

Bombshell

So hot

loverealgirls:

Bombshell

So hot


loverealgirls:

Nerf Sword

God, is there anything you people won’t shove up those things!?

loverealgirls:

Nerf Sword

God, is there anything you people won’t shove up those things!?




So how are the ONE HUNDRED FOLLOWERS I still have doing? Doing great I hope


lacigreen:

how was this overlooked tho

lacigreen:

how was this overlooked tho


every anti sj comic ever

Xtremely irrational minority person: kill and eat all straights
author self insert: oh my such vulgar language i almost felt a bead of sweat roll down my delicate forehead mmm yes oh my
good rational minority person: Hey, the Heterosexual Community has feelings that matter as much as yours or mine. By spouting such awful things you are literally oppressing people-their rights and privileges are being drained from them as you type on this microblogging site. To quote Dr. Martin Ghandi X, "why c an't we jsut bbe nice uwu"
Xtremely irrational minority person: *pees*
author self insert: thank u good rational minority person. it is a shame not everyone can be as good as u *feed treat*
good rational minority person: woof

I have written a thing

I sat in math class looking at her. The rest of the class was hacking away at the day’s homework, but I was giving in to my usual habits with little resistance. She was an interesting character. A trait that frustrated me with most of the rest of my peers, this girl’s conformance to societal standards fascinated me simply for how well she could pull it off. She was always diligent in her work and always earned good grades. She volunteered at a soup kitchen and many smaller community projects. She had lots of friends and was kind to everyone. The smile she’d flash at me every time she saw me almost made me melt, though it was the same brilliant smile she’d give to anyone she saw. She was always well assembled; her makeup and hair always seemed professionally done and her outfit came straight off the Christian catwalk every single day without fail. Her entire demeanor was that of the modern conservative Protestant ideal for a young lady, a standard I hated fought with all my being yet simultaneously managed to be so appealing on her. She was so perfect. Too perfect. I’d waste away most of third period every day just toying with various wild ideas of what dark secrets she could hold under that angelic exterior. Perhaps she had slept with the entire football team, and the cheerleaders too just for good measure. Maybe she was a drug lord who owned half the city within her underground empire. Or my favorite, she must have been a serial killer who used her good-girl charms to lure her unsuspecting victims into a trap. I had determined that falling into such a trap would not be so awful if I could have a few hours alone with such a mysterious goddess.
However that rendezvous would never happen. Despite my fantasies of a double life, Sydney was most certainly exactly what she seemed to be. I would never get any closer to her than I am now because she is just a strict, Protestant conformist with parents too conservative to allow her to be anything but some violently conservative ideal. She smiled at me in the hallways, but that would be as far as our relationship would go because I’m too rebellious and skeptical and she is straight, regardless of whether she actually is or not.
The bell startled me a bit more than it normally did. I grabbed my binder and got up to leave, taking one last look at girl who’d dominated my thoughts for the past 45 minutes and left for my next class.


allhailweegee:

I’m glad you were trying to be representative, you were… you were kinda close.

allhailweegee:

I’m glad you were trying to be representative, you were… you were kinda close.



dawnwarriorprincess:

Pride flags for all my people who may not be familiar! Yay! Trans and Pan Pride!

The straight guy looks so depressed

dawnwarriorprincess:

Pride flags for all my people who may not be familiar! Yay! Trans and Pan Pride!

The straight guy looks so depressed